Trade Deadline Day

So it was trade deadline day for the NHL - otherwise (and more properly known) as Gary Bettman's Totallty Unfair Jim Hating League. The GBTUJHL. And a couple of hours into the day, when it looked like the Hamilton Phoenix Coyotes were going to stand pat and not make any trades, I had my communicatons "counsultants" burning up the phone lines to the media outlets all across Canada. Every sports writer, editor, bingo caller and broadcaster heard the same message:

"Can you believe what the NHL is doing to the team in Phoenix? They are supposed to be competing like any other team but with the NHL funding the show it is obvious they aren't allowing the team to make any trades. They are more concerned about the dollars than how the franchise competes, their ownership is a joke. Just a slap in the face of the so-called 'fans' there, that's what it is."

And, like the good minions and chattels they are, the cream of the Canadian sports media started working on righteous and indignant stories about the evil GBTUJHL and how they were making a mockery of the game.

Which made it a real pisser when that fuck Maloney turned out to be actually making trades to make the Coyotes better, and they started coming across the wire less than an hour later. What to do?

What do you think I did? I had my loyal minions get back on the phones and dial up each and every one of the hacks they had called earlier in the day:

"Can you believe what the NHL is doing to the team in Phoenix? They are supposed to be caring for this franchise and keeping the expenses to a minumum, but they let the team use NHL money to make all these trades. They are more concerned about their league image than the dollars, their ownership is a joke. Just a slap in the face of the so-called 'fans' there, that's what it is."

Now you might laugh. You might think that the sports media in Canada wouldn't be that pathetic and that eager to please. You might think one of them would call me out on this obvious two-faced bullshit.

And you, my friend, would be wrong. Newspapers and radio stations across the country parroted that second phone call, falling for it hook like and sinker, and completely ignored the contradictory first phone call, just like they were told to. Don't believe me? Do a search - you will not have to look very far before you start coming across some of the articles in question.

Any why are the august members of the Canadian sports media so eager to please me? So eager to be my sad little lackeys and dupes? Listen for yourself:



It's amazing what you can do with a few shitty phones with a Canadian flag decal and the words "This is our game" slapped on the back.

Honestly, this shit is just too easy.